So, the first two posts were about mortality. Next, in the swirl of my recent weeks’ thoughts, I found I’d strayed toward comparison of self and my family to others. Yes, I know – NOT good!! So incredibly hard for me and my poor family! (I can now say some weeks later, that even THIS has changed quickly. Praise His name!!)
I’ve confessed to you that I’ve had an idol of the fear of man (or people-pleasing) before and this one is somewhat in that category, but a little different.
Around Mother’s Day and for a few days after, I was mourning the thought of maybe never being able to be the mom I wanted to be for my children. Wanting the best for my children, but not being able to give it to them.
Maybe my BEST will be trusting the Lord during the dark. Maybe my BEST will come even after I’m gone one day. My best can certainly come by continuing to change NOW. 😊
I jokingly say that I’ve contemplated the thought of writing a post entitled, “When Google became my mother, and Facebook taught me what it’s like to be a family.” Kind-of-funny, kind-of-not, I know!! It gets worse. Earlier during the pandemic, when trying to find my church’s Facebook page to watch our livestream service I mistakenly typed, “Facebook Baptist Church.”
Ughh. and Ickk.
Anyhoo —
My relationship with my mother wasn’t one where we enjoyed frequent, casual talks on the phone sharing tidbits of life and giving and receiving advice, so years ago after she had passed as I was doing dishes (don’t we have the most enlightening thoughts there?) I had cooking questions. Well, that’s not really enlightening, but you know what I mean! So where did I run? To Google. I began to realize how technology had replaced relationships in so many ways. That was years ago. It’s doubly so now.
When I rejoined Facebook recently, I wanted it to be a tool for both connection and ministry. I don’t have as much time to post or to keep up with others as I’d like. When I do get on there, I confess that reading other’s personal stories is for me both a time to rejoice and a time to mourn because while I am happy for what I perceive to be the case in others’ lives, (I know that people mostly put the highlights) I find myself sad when comparing my own situation to others.
I’ve known for years that the Bible says:
Comparison is not wise!
2 Corinthians 10:12 “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”
Without understanding – OUCH!
The truth is not lost on me what a great & dangerous slippery slope this is, but I still do it. I know I’m not the only one. It is really HARD not to do!! Facebook feeds into that. It’s not wise. My desire was that it could be a tool in the Lord’s hands, but I do compare myself in weak moments.
I have several people I follow on CaringBridge and rejoice to see that they have good support systems with family and friends. But, again, I compare their situations to mine and I’m actually sort of embarrassed to be on there at all. All these other people seem to be so well connected, have so many “hearts” and comments, etc. I should have worked on relationships more all these years, but I was so lost in trying to figure out marriage and parenting. (Most people I talk to say they get lost there too!! 🙄)
At the same time, I started a new counseling book by William P. Smith Caught Off Guard: Encounters with the Unexpected God which along with the Word of God continues to bring to the forefront of my mind God’s incredible love and interest in me and all of His creation. He delights in me, because of His perfect Son in me. THAT is my reality, right? I’m sure I’ll get there more consistently over time.
But not too far into the book William Smith described a friend of his and I was feeling sad for myself that I have not had that for many years. I do rejoice to say that there was once a friend with whom I had a similar relationship years ago. That might be more than some people ever have in a lifetime!
Our comparison must always be to the Lord and His standard for our lives.
I know THIS: At the end of the day, if we know Christ as our Savior, no matter how great our network of family and friends or not, it is He that holds us together (literally!!)
Colossians 1:17 “By Him all things consist” – in other words, He was before all things and holds all creation together (including you and me!!) He is INFINITELY stronger than earthly support.
Family
Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” Our family thought for a short time that we might be able to go out East (where Brian and I were born and raised) because flights would be cheaper. We haven’t been to visit relatives for four years!! Brian misses his family and the children miss their aunts, uncles, and cousins on Brian’s side.
The place we picked out to stay was only for essential workers and Vermont had a 14-day self-quarantine before we could even SEE Brian’s family. Mother’s Day and Memorial Day occurred both during this more “tumultuous” time for me – dashed expectations of fun and fellowship with others; however, I received encouragement from Psalm 14 about that soon after! God is faithful.
The Lord cares.
Within a couple of weeks’, a friend told us of an opportunity for our family to go to a cabin on a lake in the Northwoods of Wisconsin which is not too expensive. Praise the Lord, right? I’m hoping it will be a time for our family to “unplug,” enjoy God’s beautiful creation and connect with each other. The Lord even provides for our “wants” as well as our needs!
Song: Does Jesus Care?
Frank E. Graeff, 1901
Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress,
And the way grows weary and long?
Refrain:
Oh, yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.
Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?
Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong;
When for my deep grief there is no relief,
Though my tears flow all the night long?
Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye”
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks—
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?
Refrain:
Oh, yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.
I like to read my posts to my husband before I publish them to make sure he doesn’t see something glaringly wrong. I told him about wanting to end with humor if at all possible. He told me a joke and it “lines up” (look for the word “row” in the joke) with the theme of comparison, so I’m glad to include it here: “What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backwards? – A receding hare line!” – Thanks Brian!!
Maybe we should all hop backwards – let’s see how well we compare then!! Hahahaha!
Fuzzy Bunny Beauty 
The folly of comparison [I fall into this trap, often]. It assumes that others are a more “complete product”, when in fact they are more of an “incomplete project”. Need to keep the Lord as the standard. me B
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Yes, we say we are all a “work in progress,” but then tend to forget that when we feel like we fall short – That is the truth, we ALL fall short of God’s glory, but the beauty of it all is when we come to Jesus honestly with those thoughts, He is so welcoming and loving to forgive. Then the real work can begin. Becoming more like that with each other will help us with areas of weakness too. Thanks for sharing!
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